Mr Eddie?
by Deadly Little Miho
Summary: Eddie fic! Whoop! Eddie is sent after a computer hacker who's discovered dangerous government secrets. !Better than it sounds!
1. Chapter 1

_A new fandom, a new favourite character... this time it's the brilliant yet underused, Eddie from Mr & Mrs Smith. He was a really interesting character, a hitman who wouldn't get out of bed for less than half a million dollars yet still lived at home with his mother. So I figured I'd have a play with him! Don't worry, no annoying female OC's here, just Eddie and his pursuit of a _**male**_ mark.  
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This is set _**before **_the film, as then I have an excuse for forgetting anything. (I've only seen it once!) Also if anyone knows where I can get hold of the script online (free script site or something) I'd be very grateful!  
_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mr & Mrs Smith, or Eddie... (wouldn't mind though, get rid of _**Mr**_ Smith and woo, I'll have a BALL!) _

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Mr...Eddie? 

Colin Jones never had much luck with the women. The longest relationship he'd ever had was with Madam Palm and her five lovely daughters and that was still ongoing. His friends had tried to set him up but no woman was interested in a short, fat, ginger, balding nerd. Which is why, shortly after his 27th birthday, he'd invested in a laptop. A slick, slim, silver item, which now took pride of place on the coffee table in his messy bachelor pad. He'd originally bought it for internet dating. According to his best friend, Jeff, there were thousands of women on the web gagging for "hot ginger loving". He'd had varied success on the dating sites. Much to his surprise, he'd recieved many e-mails from interested parties. (He'd even recieved one e-mail from a stunning, leggy blonde woman he'd contacted telling him he was too attractive for her. That now had pride of place on his fridge.)

However after a few weeks of correspondence with a few select women, Colin had given up on the internet dating scene and begun looking for other ways to fill his time. Porn had seemed like a logical progression from internet dating but Colin wasn't willing to go down that route just yet. The internet was supposed to be an amazing research tool, not an endless amount of stimulus for his tool.

So, off the recommendation of a friend, he'd joined an online role-play game. H4CK3RZ. Colin wasn't quite sure why they insisted on using numbers for letters but soon forgot all about that as he was drawn into the world of online role-playing. He'd created a wonderful character for himself, a hot, stud of a hacker called 'Christian Vega'. He became obsessed with cracking the codes the other characters had posted on the room. He'd become a God-like figure on the site and suddenly found himself with more female attention than he could handle. He'd even begun dating one of the women online, 'Delta Lee', a gothic vampire hacker. Everything was going perfectly until one day a mysterious new player, known only as 'Z4', had logged on and posted, what he'd refferred to as, an unbreakable code. He'd offered a huge prize to anyone who could crack the code. Colin had assumed this prize would be a few of the credits the website gave out to anyone who could crack the codes. The more credits you had, the higher your status was on the site. Colin was already #3 but always figured he could do better, so he'd set about trying to crack the code. It was incredibly tough, the most complex Colin had ever seen on the site, but he was determined to crack it.

He'd cut off all contact from his friends, all contact from his family. He'd called in sick to work so many times it was a wonder his boss hadn't fired him. He'd even stopped messaging Delta. The code had taken over his life. He'd even stopped going to bed, only sleeping when the fatigue became too much and he passed out on his keyboard.

For 7 long weeks, he worked on breaking the code. All the other players on the site had moved on, accepted the code was unbreakable but Colin struggled on, determined to prove Z4 wrong. Day and night, night and day, he toiled on the code.

It was in the eighth week he'd finally got it. He couldn't believe it. It was so simple. He was almost embarassed that it had taken him as long as it had. He double checked then triple checked his results. Happy with what he'd found, he sent them through to Z4, who responded with a web-link and instructions to enter his answer in there. Without even looking at the URL in the address bar, Colin had entered his code and was waiting for the information to be processed. Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw...

Pages and pages of government secrets. The kind of things civilians got killed for knowing. Which was the reason he was currently tied to a chair, being threatened by the most incompetent hitman he'd ever seen...

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_Love it? Hate it? I don't care, this is my fic and it'll be shit if I want it too! LoL, just kidding. Anyway, apologies about the length. I swear the chapters will get longer and the story will get better, just give me time! _

Please R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

_Apologies for the delay in updates. I've been in France for the past two weeks so unfortunately I didn't get the oppurtunity to update., Anyway, now I'm back, I promise updates will be more frequent! _

Review responses:

_**EminemIsCool** - Thanks! It is a very cool movie! _

**TamPhuoc** - I'm surprised people haven't worked with Eddie before. I guess everyone's blinded by Brad. Thanks for the review!

**Shadow Topaz** - Yay! I'm brilliant! Thanks!

**DramaqueenJasmine08** - Thanks for your review! I'll look out for your story:)

**Ursula K** - And my parents said it was predicatable! Thanks:)

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Mr & Mrs Smith... although I do have a Mrs Smith poster on my wall! ;)

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Mr... Eddie?  
Chapter 2

7 days earlier... 

Shots were being fired all over the place. The scared young woman stood in front of Eddie fortunately had no knowledge of how to fire a gun. Unfortunately however she seemed to have a wicked case of beginners luck, as the bullet embedded in Eddie's thigh proved. He was beginning to regret taking this mark. She was insane. Possibly literally.

The redhead fired again, missing Eddie but hitting a very expensive looking painting. Eddie jumped and turned his head to look at the damage.

"What did Van Gogh ever do to you!" He asked, a slightly frantic, nervous tone in his voice.

"Who are you! What are you doing here!" The woman screamed at him, waving the gun towards his head.

"Calm down! I don't want to hurt you!" Eddie insisted.

"Which is why you tried to kill me earlier!"

She jabbed the gun forward, causing him to jump back.

"There is a difference you know. Pain is extra..." Eddie laughed, feebly.

"Who sent you?"

"Look Lyndsey, if you put the gun down, we can discuss this."

"Who!" Lyndsey demanded, jabbing the gun once more.

"I can't remember! Life-threatening situations give me temporary amnesia!"

Eddie was glad his friends couldn't see him now, pratically begging for his life from a psychotic whore with many high-powered enemies. Miguel would have a field day.

"Was it Terri? She's always been jealous of me." Lyndsey asked, "Or Jenny, she's still bitter I got the D.A."

Lyndsey dropped the gun to her side as she continued to reel off a long list of people who could possibly want her dead. Eddie seized his chance. Pulling the gun from his trousers, he lifted it and aimed it between her eyes.

"It was your father, owner of the biggest shipping company in the state. A very respectable man." Eddie explained, taking advantage of his marks momentary lapse in concentration, "Can you imagine the damage it would do to his business if people discovered his daughter was a whore?"

"Daddy?" Lyndsey whispered.

Eddie squeezed the trigger and watched as the bullet flew into the whores head. A few more bullets to assorted vital organs ensured she was dead. Eddie then turned his attentions to himself and began attempting to remove the bullet from his leg. The adrenalin running through his system with the thrill of the kill had tricked his body into thinking it was invincible. He popped the bullet out and slipped it into his pocket. He began hobbling down the stairs of the hired mansion and walked out of the front door. A black unregistered car, blacked out windows and everything was waiting for him.

He slid into it and let out a sigh of relief.

"Fucking psychopath." He muttered quietly, examining his wound.

"That's no way to talk to a lady." A husky woman's voice came from the direction of the front seat.

"Now, Adrienne, we both know you're no lady." Eddie joked, wincing as the pain slowly returned to his body, "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Adrienne, Eddie's contracter. Deadly and more than likely incredibly beautiful. Eddie didn't know, the only people who saw her face were the rare marks she took on personally. All Eddie had ever seen of her was her hands and the top of her head.

"Your new assignment." Her hand appeared above the seat, holding a brown folder.

"You still don't trust me, do you?" Eddie asked, snatching it away from her, "I told you, that Atkins job was an accident! How was I supposed to know that someone had switched the files?"

"For the last time, Eddie, I believe you!" Adrienne began to turn around but stopped herself, "I'm just here to deliver your assignment."

"You don't do hand deliveries. Not even The Professor gets hand delivered assignments."

"Eddie..." Adrienne warned, the tone of her voice expressed feelings of 'Ask again and I'll shove ,y gun so far down your throat you won't walk straight for days.'. Eddie knew not to mess with her when she was like this. Unidentifiable bodies had been known to turn up. He began to flick through the file in his hands.

"Colin Jones also known as Christian Vega. Computer hacker." Eddie read outloud, "Online girlfriend by the name of Delta, a gothic vampire hacker. Surely vampires have better things to do than suck someones gigabytes."

"You'd be amazed how many vampires are online." Adrienne put in, "Or rather people who think they're vampires, or dragons, or wolves even. You have to wonder about the sanity of these people."

"They're not insane. Just lonely nerds."

"The assassin roleplay games are hilarious." Adrienne continued, laughing softly, "These kids assume we're all glamourous and sexy. Most of these kids fall in love with thier marks and then murder them in thier sleep after consumating thier love. All while weeping softly. What kind of hitman does that?"

"You mean, you haven't?" Eddie joked as the car drew to a halt.

"I want you on this assignment first thing tomorrow." Adrienne said, a note of finality in her voice.

"What? No goodnight kiss?"

"Not on the first date."

Eddie assumed she was smiling. He climbed out of the car stupidly putting all of his weight on his injured leg.

"Motherfucker!" He screamed, quickly switching legs and limping painfully up to the door of his house.He fumbled with his keys briefly before finally getting inside and collapsing on his sofa. He examined his leg once more. It wasn't a major wound. He removed his shirt and tied it tightly over the wound, making a mental note to find an actual bandage the next day. He dropped the file on the floor and laid out along the sofa. He decided to look at the file properly the next morning. He didn't want to make any mistakes due to fatigue. He valued his extremities too much. He closed his eyes and was asleep almost instantly, dreaming of the back of Adrienne's head.

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_Love it? Hate it? Completely indifferent? Let me know!_


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